5 things you’re going to hear in EVERY north Indian wedding (and you’ll want to ignore)
Attending a North Indian wedding? Be it a big fat Punjabi ceremony or a larger than life Marwari one, there are some quirks you are bound to notice. And one such thing is the random stuff you hear from the aunts and uncles who attend. From crossing all lines of privacy to being downright funny, if you’ve lived up north long enough, we’re sure you’ve come across some of these classics!
#1.When the eyes can calculate one’s net worth better than the income tax department!
“Uska solitaire to dekho, must be atleast 10 lakh”, “That lehenga is Suneet Verma, sale pe liya hoga”, “Is he wearing a Zegna suit? Not bad!”
If there is one thing North Indian aunties are adept at, it’s evaluating the cost of everything worn, used and consumed at a wedding. In fact this is a favourite pastime for most… from checking out what people are wearing to their jewellery, the per-plate cost and even the value of the flowers used for décor, everyone’s always calculating!
#2. When every aunty channels her inner Seema Taparia and starts matchmaking at full speed!
“Pinky ki beti ki shaadi ho gayi?” “Beta woh ladka kaun hai…. Looks handsome, is he married?” “Anu, I have the perfect boy for your daughter right here. Why don’t we send them to coffee shop and see if they gel!”
If you’re an unmarried boy or girl, beware. North Indian marriages bring out the inner matchmaker in every 60+ guest. You will never know if the next person your mom introduces to is a potential spouse. Every unmarried person is eligible and you never know if the guy you saw on the dance floor some time back might be the one your parents are secretly fixing you up with.
#3. When a fun sangeet ceremony becomes the next version of Indian Idol, and the entire guest list becomes the jury.
“The girl’s side sangeet was so much better” “Ladke ki sister ka dance to boring tha” “Arre, all those boys dancing were looking so cute. Are they all married?”
North Indian weddings are known for the larger than life sangeet ceremonies. They are also known for guests dissecting the ceremony like they’ve straight come from the sets of Dancing With The Stars themselves. From who was the best performer to who was the worst, which side did better and which side didn’t. this is the prime fodder for conversation post the song and dance routine.
#4. When body shaming and body envy take centre stage and NO one is spared.
“Neha has lost so much weight! She must have got a lipo”, “Sharmaji ka size to dekho! Lagta hai Mrs Sharma kuch zyaada hi khila rahi hai.”
One of the most annoying parts about North Indian marriages are that people use it as an excuse to body shame everyone. From being too thin to being too fat, the size of the person commenting clearly does not matter in this case. This makes the conversation all the more unpalatable.
#5. When everyone thinks the couple’s personal life is a matter of prime discussion
“Beta, first night kaha bana rahe ho?” “Honeymoon ka kya plan hai?” “Now that you are married, quickly have children” “Beta, shaadi ke baad kaam karoge?”
The couple has many moments when they want to smack the person in front of them, because respecting privacy is not a skill set North Indian weddings tend to have. From what they’re planning for their first night to their retirement plans, everything is on the cards for the guests to dissect.
