Important Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married
So it’s been getting pretty serious with your partner. You have been thinking about whether you are ready to take the plunge and talk about the M-word. But you aren’t quite sure about how to make up your mind about taking the biggest possible decision of your life. Of course, we absolutely get it! It’s not an easy call to take. Considering that you’ll be choosing someone to build your entire life with. Also, become a part of their family, probably raise children (and furry babies) with them! But don’t worry, We’ve got your back and before getting married you should ask yourself these things.
Here’s our list of the important questions to ask yourself before getting married!
#1. Is it a relationship of equals?
A marriage is a partnership. It is paramount that both people in a marriage are committed to carry the weight of the relationship equally. When we say equal, we don’t just mean objective equality of splitting finances and domestic responsibilities, but also being equitable in terms of emotional, mental, and physical investment in the relationship.
You need to honestly assess your relationship. Figure out if your relationship is that of equals, and has an equitable division of emotional and mental labor, or if one person is doing most of the work, in which case, there will most certainly be issues in the long run. It is perfectly okay if there are things one of you is not great at, and the other one is, as long as the other one is great at some other things, and both partners can pick each other’s slack and help each other out in equal measure.
#2. How are your lives apart from each other?
Our society, and our movies, often glamourize an extremely problematic idea of a marriage where every waking moment in a married person’s life has to be about their spouse. Our reality in this day and age could not be more different. It is important that both people in a relationship have hobbies, passions, and people in their lives apart from each other so that one person does not have to constantly bear the burden of all the expectations and needs of the other partner.
Having a good circle of friends, interests, and activities that you and your partner can also pursue on your own without needing to tag the other person with you, spending time with your family on your own too sometimes, and being able to spend quality alone time with yourself, these are all important to have a healthy relationship where both partners have enough space to be their own people, while also being a couple.
#3. What are your families like?
Marriage is not just between two people, but also two families. Many times, people face issues later in their lives if they overlook this fact. If you’re thinking about getting married, there is a lot you need to consider and think over in this area.
What are your family backgrounds like? How familiar are you with each other’s upbringing and cultural ecosystem? How alike or different are your relationships with your respective families? Do you have an understanding of each other’s childhood traumas within the family? Are you willing to discuss family dynamics with your partner without feeling ashamed or embarrassed about them? Do you see your partner getting along with your family and vice versa? Do you see yourself getting along with your partner’s family? Will you be expected to live with your partner’s family in the long term, or immediately after marriage, and will you be alright with that? How involved would you like to be with each other’s families? Think these through honestly while you make up your mind.
#4. How compatible are your social and political views?
The theory of opposites attract has been romanticized to no ends. But in real life, it often ends up being a recipe for disaster. The foundation of a healthy, happy marriage is mutual understanding and respect. Understanding and respecting each other’s social and political views and opinions is an extremely important part of it. Imagine the resentment of a feminist married to a benign misogynist or the frustration of partners subscribing to opposite ends of the left versus right political beliefs.
Not only will the relationship be ridden with conflict because each partner will constantly try to vouch for the validity of their belief system, but it may also lead to a lack of respect for the other person’s opinions and ideologies. Of course, if you are evolved enough to agree to disagree and still respect each other’s views, but if you don’t see eye to eye on important social and political ideologies, you really need to consider if you will be alright signing up for this for a lifetime. So, before getting married, do think about this.
#5. Are you on the same page when it comes to your future together?
It is surprising how so many couples do not talk about important life decisions before deciding to tie the knot. Later, these silences become sources of discontent and resentment in their marriage. It is supremely important that before you make up your mind to get married, you have honest, open conversations about what do you expect out of a life together.
What direction do you want your respective careers to take? What are your thoughts on having kids? Where would you want to settle down, and what kind of life do you want to live in near future, and in the long run? What will be your expectations out of the marriage and each other if you were to think of life together? These are all important factors to consider before getting married.
So, when you have the answers to all these questions, and you think you are ready to make this leap of faith, we at wedding wishlist would be delighted to hold your hand each step of the way, be it creating your invites, making your registry, or holding your virtual wedding celebrations! Just head over here to get started!Explore Wedding Wishlist